Leaving Behind, Moving Forward
It’s that time of year again when school starts back up and kids return to learning - some at physical locations outside their home, while some begin the process at home with a homeschooling parent. Many of us look forward to this time of year, while others dread it. Some are too new to parenting and have not started down this road yet, though others only look back to the memories of “those days.” Whatever the difficulties we have faced, are encountering, or will someday have to tackle, with this annual event, one thing is always for certain in these transitions: we must leave something behind as we move forward to the next phase.
This became all too real to me as I dropped my 6th child (my fourth daughter) off at college 1,100 miles from home in a state I know very little about. It did, and still does, cause a mix of emotions for me because it comes with the realization that her childhood has come to an end and her adult life has just begun. It is exciting and excruciating all at the same time. I’m cautiously happy for her and sad for her mother and myself. We are proud of and happy for her, but for us, it is another loss. Another leaving behind what was. As we watched the college slowly disappear in the rearview mirror, the stark reality of our new life ahead with just one of seven kids left at home, was the direction our GPS was taking us.
Author Henri J. M. Nouwen, once wrote: “The losses remind you constantly that all isn't perfect and it doesn't always happen for you the way you expected; that perhaps you had hoped events would not have been so painful, but they were; or that you expected something from certain relationships that never materialized. You find yourself disillusioned with the irrevocable personal losses: your health, your lover, your job, your hope, your dream. Your whole life is filled with losses, endless losses. And every time there are losses, there are choices to be made. You choose to live your losses as passages to anger, blame, hatred, depression, and resentment, or you choose to let these losses be passages to something new, something wider, and deeper. The question is not how to avoid loss and make it not happen, but how to choose it as a passage, as an exodus to greater life and freedom.”
I wish I had a great advice for all who are reading this regarding the method for successfully navigating these times in life. However, I too am in the throes of this struggle. I do know, however, that staying stuck in ‘what was’ is only a recipe for overwhelming, unresolved grief and bitterness. But, I do feel encouraged by Nouwen’s suggestion to look for the beauty in choosing a new path to move forward in.
Many things need to be left behind in life in order for us to move forward onto the next experience; the next area of growth; the next person in our life that needs a friend; the next lesson we need to learn to become better and not bitter, the next challenge God desires for us to encounter in order for us to realize how much we can trust in Him. Cherish the memories, but don’t linger there too long. Keep your eyes on the bright horizon in front of you.
ACTION STEP: This week, together with your spouse, seek a direction that celebrates your past accomplishments, while at the same time also builds upon it with new experiences that can create a “greater life and freedom.”