The Book of Sirach and Marriage - 7

 (Sirach 9: 9) “With a married woman dine not, recline not at table to drink by her side, lest your heart be drawn to her and you go down in blood to the grave.”

Very ominously stated, this passage should be applied to and observed by both men and women alike. Many married people that I have counseled have admitted to having opposite sex friends that they are very close to and with whom they often spend one-on-one time. I have worked with spouses who like to go out to bars to unwind, only to have gotten themselves in trouble with another man or woman while drinking too much. I have also counseled many who have used friends of the opposite sex for consolation about problems in their marriage.

When we get married, friendships with the opposite sex have to change and strict boundaries need to be placed on those connections. Alone time with them should cease to occur and time together with them should be in the midst of a group with the full knowledge of our spouse. Anything else is just playing with fire. Even if our intentions are pure and we have ‘no attraction’ to them, being with them a lot or by ourselves often leads to scandal and concern by spouse regarding the fidelity of the other person’s actions.

When things are rocky in our marriage, if we are not working through these issues with our spouse and instead are talking to others of the opposite sex about our struggles, we leave our hearts open to temptation of the other person who is giving us their full time and attention. And if you are doing this while you’re also under the influence of drugs or alcohol, your chances of making poor decisions multiplies exponentially. Once the damage is done, the job of rebuilding trust can be a long and excruciating journey that many marriages don’t survive.

So take the advice from a therapist who has seen this issue at its worst, “Don’t do it!” Work things out with your spouse at all cost. Don’t spend one-on-one time with friends of the opposite sex, and always keep strong boundaries between you and them, as you constantly keep transparency with your beloved.

ACTION STEP: This week, explore what relationships (if any) outside of your marriage that needs more boundaries and quickly put them into place.