God’s Love and Christian Life - Part 4

“If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:20).

I have counseled countless couples who emphasize the importance of their Christian or Catholic faith yet proceed to describe a treatment of their spouse which does not reflect those beliefs. Husbands who pastored large churches have confessed affairs with other women. Couples describing heated arguments have admitted using foul words and threats of divorce to undermine one another. I am truly grieved at times by how people can claim to love God but yet treat their “pearl of great price” with such contempt.

1 John 4:20 minces no words about this type of behavior. How can we truly love God while treating one of His beloved children as if they were an enemy? This is especially egregious when directed towards our spouse, whom we vowed to love and honor. In Matthew’s gospel, Christ goes so far as to say, “Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for me” (Matt. 25:45). God places people in our life to lead us closer to Himself, and loving our spouse well, is often the most challenging and fruitful way of growing in love of God.

Anger has a way of getting the best of us for many reasons. However, I often tell my own children, “No one can make you angry. That is an emotion you choose to have in response to their actions.” Rather than choosing anger, we need to start choosing to take a break, pray, and pursue a peaceful resolution. Nothing good ever comes from a heated exchange. We need to treat our spouse as the valuable gift that they are.

ACTION STEP: This week, take a pause from any arguments you may have with your spouse. Seriously consider how you would act if, instead of your spouse, it was Christ to whom you were speaking (remember Matthew 25:45). Pray, cool down, then seek understanding through patience and charity.