The Value of Fun
Alarm goes off, you drag yourself out of bed, get ready for work, have some coffee, go to work and stay there for 8 hours (if you’re lucky), head home to change then run kids to soccer/volleyball/dance/you name it, get home and eat dinner, wash dishes, fall asleep in the first seat you sit in, then drag yourself to bed. Next day, start all over again. Weekends can even feel more overwhelmingly busy with tournaments, endless housework, and other commitments. Sound familiar? The daily grind can be just that: grinding and toilsome. If we are not careful, we will go through several weeks before we get a break from the monotony.
So many couples that come to see me in therapy often can’t find time for or have lost the ability for having fun in their relationship. The amount of responsibility and struggles in life often cause them to struggle in getting their own needs met and have time to relax, which leads to spousal struggles due to being disconnected, frustrated, tired, etc. This is all the more reason I strongly encourage couples to make time, at least once a month, to go on a date. Time to connect, have uninterrupted conversation, woo each other, and hopefully have some fun.
However, many couples often go out on a date and spend more time working through problems and dealing with heavy issues, that the date ends up feeling more like a burden. When I work with couples who are struggling in their relationship, I often give them homework to spend time everyday checking in with each other and dealing with the day-to-day problems so that the problems don’t multiply and swallow them up and ruin their times of dating. Then, I also prescribe for them to go on a date where they are not to talk about all their life burdens and just do something fun, silly, or out of the ordinary. We do have to work out the problems in marriage, but if we stay only in the negative, it will drag us down into the realm of hopelessness. We have to regularly just go and do something fun and out of the ordinary to reignite that deeper part of ourselves that gets lost in the ‘weeds.’ It’s also great to learn how to have ‘little moments’ of fun every day, to keep our sense of joy.
ACTION STEP: This week, set a date to do something fun and out of the ordinary, and then let your inner light find a time and place to shine.